Backstage Harassment
by RandyOrtonRules62
Summary: You better watch out when Johanna Orton (OC) and Ted Dibiase get together, this is called backstage harassment for a reason. Find out what happens when you cross paths with a mentally unstable wife and a child man. WARNING: Language. Mentions of Randy Orton, The Undertaker, Kane, HHH, Divas, Cm Punk, Sheamus, Mickie James, Jeff Hardy and Vince Mcmahon. Oneshot


**A/N: **This was a lot of fun to write hope you guys enjoy it too.

**Backstage Harassment**

It was 6:00 A.M, three certain superstars snuck out of bed pretty early, leaving behind their husbands, wives and children.

"BABY!" Ted Dibiase shouted excited to his best female friend.

"TEDDY!" Johanna shouted back just as excitedly. "Ready to twerk?"

"I'm always ready to twerk."

"Great, Mickie's going to tag along, catch the whole thing on camera."

"Cena know you out-and-about?" Ted said eyeing the Virginia native skeptically.

"That's not your business, now can we move this along, I got to get back before Aria wakes up."

The three left without further agreement, they slowly and quietly walked the hallways of The Wingate, looking for the right hotel room.

"Okay here it is, get your camera ready Mousie." Johanna ordered calling Mickie by her nickname as Ted knocked on the door multiple annoying times.

"Who is it?" Avi, Jeff Hardy's wife, asked from inside.

"TWERK TEAM!" Johanna and Ted shouted in unison. She opened the door with a major confused expression written all over her face.

"Ummm, what are…?" She started to say but was interrupted by Johanna.

"I'm Johanna A.K.A Jo-Jo. This is Theodore A.K.A Ted. And we're the…."

"TWERK TEAM!" They shouted in unison.

"What's a twerk?" Avi asked dumbfounded and equally tired.

"We'll happily demonstrate, but first we need Jeffery." Ted said

"Jeff, sweetie, Come here!" She yelled and reluctantly Jeff appeared in the doorway with Avi.

"TWERK TEAM!" Johanna and Ted shouted together and began dancing, shaking their butts wildly and flinging their arms around for a total of 30 seconds. They posed with their arms in the shape of a T and shouted, "TWERK TEAM!"

"This has been a production by the Twerkers." Johanna said.

"Buenos noches." Ted said using bad Spanish earning a door slam in his face

As they walked back to their separate rooms they somewhat argued. "So Mickie, changed your mind about us Twerkers?" Johanna asked

"No Jo-Jo, you guys are foolish."

"She's hatin' on our Twerk!" Johanna exclaimed.

"Suck my chestnuts" Ted said offended.

"Don't make a final decision yet, just watch us today, follow us around, get a feel for the business." Johanna bargained.

"You could be our camera girl; I know you want to be a fellow Twerker." Ted said.

"Camera girl? I don't want to be a camera girl." Mickie argued.

Johanna began to cry a stream of fake tears; she knew being able to cry on demand would come in handy one day. "After all I've done for you, and this is how you repay me, can't even be a fellow Twerker?" She said as she cried harder.

"Jo-Jo…..Jo-Jo…stop it!" Mickie whined.

"You've upset a fellow Twerker, how could you?" Ted asked dramatically.

"Okay! OKAY! FINE! I'll be your stupid camera girl" Mickie said defeated.

"Yay!" Johanna cheered as she wiped fake tears and hugged her.

"Welcome to the Twerk Family, we should have matching T-shirts by next Monday." Ted said.

"Oh no, no, no!" Mickie objected.

"Oh yes, yes, yes!" Johanna grinned menacingly.

_6:59 A.M: Right before the 7:00 O' Clock meeting._

"Hey Shawn, Hunter, we have a new member of our Twerk Family." Johanna said calmly, despite the way her stomach was doing back flips of all the excitement.

"Oh no, who is it?" Shawn asked. Johanna and Ted stepped aside.

"Mickie!? Mickie Cena!?" They exclaimed in surprise.

"Don't get too excited, she's just our camera girl." Ted said and Mickie rolled her eyes.

"Come on guys let's go sit by the Brother of Destruction." Johanna suggested.

"What is wrong with you? Do you want a death sentence?" Ted asked terrified.

"Don't be such a scaredy-cat, come on." She said dragging him along to what he hoped wouldn't be his death. They sat right between Kane and Taker. "Hello Kane, or should I say Glenn!" She said like she had just uncovered a big secret. He looked down at her, mainly at her shirt which said: Freddy Krueger is my hero.

"You bad boy, I'm married." Johanna teased which received a growl and an intense stare. "Awe its okay; I hope we still can be friends after this…..well than buddy…No? No. Okay." She faced the front trying to control her laughter.

Vince approached the front. "Before we get this meeting underway I would like to bring attention to this poem, by the 'Twerk Team'." Ted and Johanna tried to stifle their laughter as best as they could. Mickie, Hunter, Shawn, John and Randy gave them 'Tell me you didn't' looks.

"Keep in mind I'm only reading this because I was paid $700." He said in an irritated voice. "It's called Dr. Seduce…. I will fuck you in a car. I will fuck you near or far. I will fuck you here or there. I will fuck you anywhere. I will tie you to a chair. I will even pull your hair. I just want to fuck you my dear…"

Johanna and Ted couldn't take it anymore they burst into fits of hysterical laughter; they believed that was the best part of the meeting.

"I wonder how many days I have to train a week." Johanna said sitting on Randy's lap after the meeting ended.

"That would be five." Hunter said

_Shit. _She thought. "Yeah I'll give it 2"

"What do you expect to accomplish in 2 days?" Randy asked.

"A healthy metabolism?" She guessed.

"Nope!" Shawn exclaimed

"Well how many- Wait did I invite you in this conversation?"

"That's the great thing about me; I don't have to be invited in the conversation." He replied making Johanna giggle.

"I just got permission from Vince to train you." Hunter said with a sly grin.

"See what happened was….I already have a trainer."

"Really who is he?" Shawn asked.

"Umm I can't say his name, copyright reasons."

"Little girl that is the dumbest thing I've ever heard." Mark said joining the conversation.

"What is with ya'll thinkin' you can join my conversation without invitation?" Johanna asked fiercely.

Before anyone could say anything Ted came over. "Come on Baby, Little Red Riding Hood is about to get some food." Ted said using code names. Johanna clapped her hands like a 5 year old excited for candy.

"See you later, love you." She said kissing her husband on the cheek then running off with Ted.

_8:15 A.M: Down at catering. _

"Damn you Teddy, just had to take a potty break, I hope Sheamus is still here." Johanna chastised.

"Quit you scolding he's right over there…" Before he had a chance to finish she had already ran off.

"Hi Sheamus...I got some more jokes for you." She said wide-eyed and crazy.

"Not right now Lassy, I'm tryin' to enjoy this muffin." He said with hopes of getting her away from him.

"Come on, I only have 3 this time." She pleaded.

"Fine Orton, but you got to leave me alone for the rest of the day."

"Deal, I already have a long list of people I need to 'visit'." Johanna smiled a wicked smile.

"Get on with it, Lassy." He said becoming annoyed with her presence by the second.

"Okay first one: how do you stop a clown from smiling?"

"How?"

"You chop his head off with an axe!" She exclaimed then laughed in a maniac way.

"That's sick…."

"Wait there's more: why did the monkey fall out the tree?"

"Why?" Sheamus asked almost afraid.

"Because he was dead!" She yelled then laughed with an insane gleam in her eyes.

"That's not funny."

"One more, one more…: why did Sally fall off the swing?"

"Why?" Sheamus said teetering on the verge of a lost appetite.

"Because, she had no arms!" She exclaimed then laughed as her sides begin to hurt. "Knock knock."

"Who's….there?"

"NOT SALLY!" She screamed laughing so hard she fell on the floor crouching at her aching sides.

"That's so messed up, Lassy" He said getting up walking and out of catering. After she finished her last rounds of giggles she walked back over to Ted.

"That was so hilarious Teddy, whose are next victim?"

"Next we have CM Punk."

"Oh goodie, that man loves me, so hard to get him away from me." She said in a delusional trance.

_10:30 A.M: In CM Punks locker room._

"Knockety-knock-knock." Johanna said.

"You know normal people knock on the door" Ted said shaking his head.

"Well guess what, I'm different. Okay, I roll up to the scene with my ceiling missin'." Johanna said trying to act gangsta'.

"Baby, just stop it okay." Ted said petting her head.

"Not you again, what is it this time? Better not be another Twerk show." Phil said when he opened the door to greet his worst nightmare.

"I just wanted to stop by and say hey to my biggest fan, but if you hate me that much I guess I'll go." Johanna said in a baby voice as she hung her head.

"Okay…..you can come in for 3 minutes and not a minute less" He said trying to be nice, little did he know that was the worst thing he could have ever done.

In those 3 minutes she, drunk a whole can of Pepsi, made a hole in the wall, had an asthma attack, fell off the couch twice, broke the coffee table, head butted Phil and sat on his sleeping girlfriend, Chapen.

Ted decided to do the smart thing and pull Johanna from the room before he flipped his shit. "Damn Jo-Jo, you almost broke everything in that room…..nice job."

_1:09 P.M: The divas locker room._

"This is gonna be so good Teddy."

"They won't even see it coming, remember we got to get those mice back to Thing 1 and Thing 2 in 10 minutes."

"Gotcha', shhh, I hear them coming."

The divas were just coming back from in-ring practice. "I'm so sweaty; I need a nice relaxing shower." Layla groaned.

"Yes Lay, a shower, because you stink." Michelle joked.

"AAHHH!" Kaitlyn screamed and jumped on the bench.

"Why did you scream, get down from there!" Maria said with her hand over her heart.

"M-m-m-m..."

"Spit it out!" All the divas yelled.

"I saw a mouse." She said looking around for the beaded eyed beast. Just then two more mice ran across the room and into the corner, scaring the divas shitless causing them to run away in sheer screams of terror.

Once all the divas evacuated the room Ted and Johanna emerged from the shadows hi-5ing each other. "That was so awesome did you hear their screams? Music to my ears" Ted sighed.

"Come on we got to get Gary, Tom and Carly back to those midgets before we get caught." Johanna said. Once they had all the mice gathered, they snuck out of the divas locker room heading for their secret place.

"Hey you're 1 minute late." Raevin, or Thing 1, said.

"Listen, little midget Jericho, we got the mice so shut it." Ted demanded.

"Tom, Gary and Carly better not be harmed." Karmin, or Thing 2, said.

"You midget Jericho's are very annoying, here's your $20, now scram!" Ted shouted. "Remind me never to do business with 12 year olds." Ted groaned.

"Actually, Raevin is 12 and Karmin is 10." Johanna said just throwing it out there.

"Just…ARGH...Don't correct me!"

_4:45 P.M: Kane locker room._

"Theodore?"

"Johanna?"

"New victim?" Mickie asked. They both nodded their heads. "Who we looking for?"

"Kane, my new boyfriend." Johanna stated dreamily.

"She thinks everyone is her boyfriend." Ted said shaking his head at Mickie. "Get your camera rolling Mick-Chicken."

"Don't call me that." Mickie spat as Johanna knocked on the door.

"Who is it?"

"TWERK TEAM!" They shouted in unison and then he opened the door.

"Hey Mr. Kane, I'm Theodore A.K.A Teddy, this is Johanna A.K.A Jo-Jo and that is Mickie A.K.A Mick-Chicken.

"We're the Twerkers!" Johanna exclaimed before Mickie could say anything to Ted.

"What do you want?" He asked.

"We want to twerk for you."

"What's a twerk?" Kane asked rather impatiently.

"DEMONSTRATION!" Mickie yelled from behind the camera.

They started shaking their butts wildly and flinging their arms around, somewhere in between that they did the jump on it dance, their twerking lasted for 30 seconds. Ted and Johanna posed with their arms in the shape of a T. "TWERK TEAM!" They all shouted even Mickie.

"We'll come by for the next show." Johanna said eagerly.

"Please don't." he begged.

"Bye boyfriend, this has been a production by the…"

"TWERK TEAM!"

They turned around to leave but ran smack into Hunter."Hey…boy have you grown." Ted said.

"Let's go you three, move it! March!" Hunter ordered.

_7:06 P.M: Randy and John's locker room._

After much stalling, the three trouble makers made it back to their locker room with Hunter watching closely because he knew if he turned his back for one second, one would get away.

"Good you found them!" Randy exclaimed.

"Where were they?" John asked.

"Out 'Twerking'."

"TWERK TEAM!" They shouted almost as if on cue.

"Who was it this time?" Randy asked pulling Johanna to sit on his lap.

"Glenn."

"My new boyfriend!" Johanna exclaimed.

"I thought Phil was your imaginary boyfriend" John said.

"We broke up, but whatevs' I know have the Big Red Machine." She said with a giggle.

"Are you cheating on me woman?" Randy asked with fake anger.

"Only up here." She said knocking against her temple.

"Well today was a good day….."

**A/N: **Hope you guys laughed as much I did.


End file.
